High On Pain

What would you do if you were addicted to pain ?

I sit back ,
My insides writhing ,
As i feel myself squirming ,
Attempting to get away from it ,
Even as a part of me craves for more of the Pain's hit .

Pain is now my enemy ,
But it is not the only way
That she is realted to me I daresay .
For she is also my aphrodisiac
The drug that you'll always find in my pack .

Earlier I could use Pain to my benefit .
Using her to fuel my motivation ,
To punish myself for my unfulfilled resolutions .
But at  like quicksilver an ally can turn  into a foe ,
And so  her turnaround took place , making my sanity go .

There wouldn't be a moment ,
When I could sit in serenity
For I was being tormented with brutality .
While I fueled and battled her on the inside ,
I lost all my battles on the outside ..

But now , I feel myself letting go
Of the need of her , my foe .
Soon , from my head she'll be all gone
And once again my happy song
Is what i'll hum to myself .