The Loss

You sometimes lose people whom you love very much , about whom you care and you whole world comes crashing down. I have just tried to portray that pain .

someday i will finish this

In the darkness of the night
I see a light
A light that seems to be cold
That seems to be beckoning me
To mould me
To hold me in its arms
While it went about the task
Of giving me a new shape
Of changing my face
To something it felt were more suited
To be in this world
Or else I'll be booted .

I am drawn towards it
My steps taking me towards it
Against my will
I try to be still
But to no avail

I feel myself becoming pale
As I am unable to fathom
Whatever is happening
To me
I feel the light
Glow with a strange glee
As it

And it happens in parts

The parts of me have begun to die
They wriggle they try
But to no avail
They wail,
They out gloomy cries
As one by one they lose their lives .

When I was born
I never imagined
That I would be meted
Such a fate
That i'll begin to hate ,
Not only myself but my whole existence
That i'll become a menance
To my own sanity .
I never knew
That I will be bereft
Of all beautiful thoughts
That in my mind
Only darkness will house
Which , like a cat chases a mouse
Will give me chase in my dreams
While I give out my silent screams
All the while wishing
That with the sound of swishing
Out of thin air
Will appear someone
Who will help me
Who will cure me of my yelps
Who will help me get out of this mess
Who will be my saviour in this stress

But to you I confess
That nothing more than wistful thinking was this
For a life of bliss
Was never meant to be mine
For i was meant to fall in death's chine

I too need a school

Let us not let anyone be left out from gaining education gaining knowledge . Let us listen to their cries  .

How to make a loser

How to make a loser ?

Take a man 

(Or if it pleases you a woman).

Make him feel secluded ,

From everyone he ever felt related .

Instill in him self doubt  ,

Just make sure you have the clout .

Mislead him from his path , 

Take away his eyes from the ambitions he hath .

No matter if he is uncouth or sleek ,

Just make him fee ,l his days will all be bleak .

Make him feel that his world is a battle ,

Here all his attempts to succeed will be fatal .

It does not matter if he is happy and gay ,

Just make him believe all he can do is survive his days.

Deep in his mind plant a vicious suicidal thought ,

Masquerading it as a thought he sought .

Let it root in his mind's pot ,

Till it finally begins to rot ,

And secluded ,

He begins to be deluded ,

By himself .

Watch him cower , 

Till all of it is over ,

As he loses his will to survive ,

And loses the hope to be revived .

So , these are the ingredients ,

Follow them with care for they are stringent ,

And thats how u make a loser .

And Sabotage I Did !

My defense had been up ,
My attack had been game ,
But all were left biting the dust in vain ,
When I decided to play the self sabotage game .

I took pleasure in my pain ,
I enjoyed as I got maimed ,
I got high ; on my own misery ,
Even as everything I did left me jittery .

My soul cried for help ,
My heart gave a yelp ,
Even as my emotions ran me over ,
My mind got high thinking as if it were in a bower .

Just like coke or meth , weed or L.S.D ,
The highs that i achieved began to ebb ,
It was the time to inflict further misery , 
So that i could get high even as i bled .

Thoughts on mourning

Sometimes you are so sad that you can't sleep , can't think , you lose track of time , all you do is just sit and grieve , but even when you grieve you don't seem to know what are you grieving for , what is it that you have lost , but still you don't seem to be able to stop for you have long gone past the point of no return .

Let it all end

Distorted thoughts ,
A mind that is in the rot ,
That is caught ,
In the fight ,
Between the forces of light
And darkness
Each trying to claim possession
Over me .

From their clutches ,I try to break free ,
But to no avail .
I give out wails,
Of pain.
I am crumbling under the strain .
Even as the rumbling thoughts in my head ,
Make me dread ,
That my head will explode ,
And I'll be left dead .

Maybe ,that is when everything will end
For my mind has gone beyond what can be mend
Even by my strongest will it can't be bend .
So comes from within me the cry ,
"Let it all end . "

Just a night

It is one of those nights ,

When the moon is out so bright ,

I don't want to sleep ,

All I want to do is weep .

Weep tears of blood.

My eyes , I want to let them flood .

With the blood that oozes from the wounds within my heart ,

Which it seems has been pierced with poisoned darts .

The pain which once rose there ,

Is spreading everywhere .

It is becoming too much to bear .

It has reached a feverish pitch ,

It has created a hole in my soul too large to stitch .

I wish there were some way to ditch ,

This pain .Before it maimed me .

But to no avail .

As my sobs turned to wails ,

I began to turn into a carcass pale .

Do you know ?

You have a look at me

And give out roars of laughter as if without a fee ,

I were a comedian doing a stand up act .

But do you even know them , the facts ?

That have brought me to this sorry state ,

That have made me curse my fate .

You exchange looks when you glimpse my contorted face ,

Which to you seems to be so out of place.

But do you even know of all the storms ?

That rage in the space above my face in so many forms

That make every fiber of being cry out in pain

Even though it my be in vain .

You joke about me behind my back.

About my lifelessness , about all the energy which I seem to lack ,

Even in the first hour of morn .

But do you even know that the whole of my previous night I had spend torn ?

Between conflicting thoughts of whether or not

To end it all

To take that one last fall ?

But why will you care ?

As long as you fare well ,

You will not change ,

Your ways so strange .

You will have fun at my expense

Even as I jump over paradise's fence .

Spare The Rod

Have you ever been abused by someone who claimed to do it for your good ? Do you know someone who has been ? Make him read this  . Make her understand , she is not alone .

I sit in the corner of the room ,
As I watch you pick up that half broken broom .
Instantaneously I am filled with trepidation ,
As I begin to have recollections ,
Of the previous times ,
When I committed all those so called crimes .

You advance towards me brandishing  ,
That half broken broom .
With each half step that you take ,
Oh you look so threatening .

The whacking sound which that broken handle makes
When it kisses my soft skin , even as I fake
My indifferent expression , makes me wince on the inside
Causes tides
Of pain to rise on the surface of my bag of bones ,
All the while as it makes deep gashes in my heart .

You say that each time you hurt me .
You are also pained  ,
But it is to ensure my gains ,
By the lesson that you teach me through you broken broom
That you cause me these pains ,

I ask you something ,
If you worry so much about me ,
Why can't you pay heed to my tries ,
my cries ?
That shout out loud ,

"Spare the rod ."

The Demons of my mind

I am infested by demons . They have infested the worst place inside of me that they could have possibly have infested "MY MIND" . my sanctuary .

Silence

The world around you is too loud you say ,
You'll only have silence around you if you could have your way.
Silence that envelopes you all around ,
That'll take away from your life all those senseless sounds .

Suddenly one day you have your say ,
And then  silence finally has its day,
Like the wind , it is everwhere ,
Leaving all the noises to shiver in fear .

But alas ! Sometimes the silence becomes too much .
Too much to bear .
There is so much of it that you begin to fear  ,
The silence which you once craved ,
Of which in this noisy world you felt depraved .
Now you have it , lots of it ,
If you ask me too much of it ,
Even when you look for it you don't have that singular voice that will break it
That'll end that silence , that'll wreck it .